Morning Prayer

I wake up in the morning. Before I have gotten out of bed, before I turn on the lights, or pet the dogs, I pray.

Modeh ani lifanecha melech chai vikayam, she-he-chezarta bee nishmatee b'chemla, raba emunatecha.

I offer thanks to You, living and eternal Ruler, for You have restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.

It is traditional. In the Hebrew, it is masculine in language. It is filled with the gender-biases and patriarchal language that I seek to avoid in my day-to-day life.

But it is my prayer. It is a prayer of my people. It is glory and honor and joy in the return of the gift of my soul from its night wanderings. I love the language of the tradition, and I hold it dear to my heart.

Then I fast forward. I shower, dry my hair, attempt to choose clothes. I set everything out to get dressed. And I pray.

Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’Olam Ha’Mavir L’Ovrim

Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’Olam sh’asani b’tzelmo

Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’Olam Sh’hechianu, v’kimanu, v’higiyanu, la’zman hazeh

Blessed are You, Eternal One, our God, Ruler of Time and Space, the Transforming One to those who transform/transition/cross over.

Blessed are You, Eternal One, our God Ruler of Time and Space who has made me in God’s image.

Blessed are You, Eternal One, our God Ruler of Time and Space who has kept us alive and sustained us and helped us to arrive at this moment.

Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’Olam B’shem mitzvat tzitzit v’mitzvat hityatzrut

Blessed are you, Eternal One, our G-d, Ruler of time and Space for the sake of the mitzvah of ritual fringes and the mitzvah of self-formation.

It is new. It is inclusive of all forms of gender. It is filled with the language and politics and belief in a G-d who is more than just one or the other that I desperately need to cling to.

It is a blessing written for those transitioning genders, for those seeking new ways of gendering, and for the wearing of a chest-binder[1]. It is new.

But it is my prayer. It is a prayer of my people. It is glory and honor and joy in the sanctity of transformation and beauty.

It is the beginning of the daily ritual of transforming the geography of my body.

I put on my binder.

It is painful. It is constrictive. It becomes harder to breathe.

It is joyful. It is honest. It becomes easier to move in the world.

---

[1] These blessings were written by Rabbi Elliot Kukla and Ari Lev Fornari, 2007 and may be found at http://www.transtorah.org/